Run

Lysa, Me and Becca

(Journal entry from August 11, 2009)

My thoughts during the half marathon. 

1. Most visited thought: Don’t stop.

2. Counting down the songs. I estimated that a mile for me, is about four songs. I got reacquainted with my 4 times table again. It made me feel a little smarter, like I was running and learning.

3. Mentally maneuvering in front of people who were bugging me on the trail. The only way I would get bugged is when someone would continually weave in and out of the pack. Only to speed up and then slow down. Racing is much like driving a car on the freeway. There are slower lanes, emergency lanes and fast lanes. And there are oblivious runners who weave throughout all of them and cut people off. 

4. Wondering where Lysa was. I lost her when she took of to pee behind a tree. I felt lonely and a little lost without her. The whole time we’ve been training, I‘ve always been behind her, following her around. She lets me know where we are during the race, how much longer and gets me to keep going. It was much harder to run without someone to chase.

5. My family. It’s true. I am cheesy and got emotional at the end (and during) the race when I would think of my family at the finish line. As a metaphor for any trial or goal in life, crossing that finish line is euphoric. And having your own cheering section to welcome you through is indescribable. As I cornered for the home stretch I saw my kids and Cam with Gretchen and Scott and his kids and thought, “For you I will keep going, even when I want to stop.” Later, as I was bubbling over with salty emotion, recapping the race with Cam, I shared my thoughts about the symbolism of finishing. It made my throat constrict as I tried to be mushy and say that that sentiment carried through to every facet of my life.

6. Freedom. For me, running is freedom. It’s my time, my thoughts and my feet pounding the pavement. No one can take that and no one else can do it for me. Lysa gave me some great advice, that during the race, through the tough stretches to just relax and think, “enjoy this. you are here. now. be here.” I’ve tried to apply this during the times when my body is screaming to stop, take a rest, give up. I try and drown out the wimp in me and switch to acceptance. To the freedom of being at that time and in that place.

7. The beat. It really is the beat that keeps me going. It makes my legs move and my arms swing. Thank goodness for the music. (And the goo.)

8. The last thought, that I essentially had to drill in my head, that i repeated maybe each and every step of the last mile was: You can do it.

And I did.