Time

I am genuinely surprised at time. 

For example, I open my eyes, the clock says 6:45am and I think...”five more minutes”. I open them again and it’s 7:15am. Wait. I just closed my eyes. For a second. 

And that’s how my day usually begins. Get up. Brush teeth. Feed kids dying from starvation. 

Whoa. Wait a minute. How can it be 9:00am already? Am I going to have time to run today? Yoga? A shower? By myself? 

And in the time it took to ponder these life altering questions I look up and realize it’s lunchtime. 

Really? Food. Again? 

Then, as if time isn’t in warp speed already, it’s time to load up in the car for school:

“Ady? Ady! Where’s your ______ ?” (brush, shoes, homework, sister) “Anders! Anders? Put on you’re ________. (shoes, jacket, backpack, underwear) “Stela? Stela! Stop _________. (“Eating dirt, picking your nose, pinching your sister, stealing my lunch).

After a lightning blot flash of running in and out of the house for missed and forgotten items combined with the thunderous and repetitive yelling of “It’s time to go!” or “We’re going to be late!” the kids are at school.

And I’m still in my random sweatpants/clothes I yanked off the floor or out of the hamper.

I think, “I’ll just get everything done while Stela is napping.”

But then I sit down.

My big mistake. 

Silly me. Sitting is for quitters.

But when you sit down time starts to slow...

Time starts toying with me. Fooling me. 

It whispers, “You have two hours to exercise, shower, sweep, mop, plan dinner, wash and fold laundry, make beds, pick up toys, dishes, read, garden, pay bills, finish that project that has been sitting there for a month.” 

“No sweat.”  TIme purrs. “Take it easy. Relax. Sit here. And relax. Get to that stuff later...” 

I think, “Well. I have already sat down. I could sit for another five minutes. Just five minutes.” 

And just like that, my golden hours of independence slip away. Without much getting accomplished. Unless you count talking yourself out of getting up an accomplishment. Which I totally think counts.

I look up at the clock and realize it is time to get Stela up and pick up the kids. Which blurs into snack time, homework, playing with friends, making dinner, holding the baby while trying to make dinner, ushering the kids out of the kitchen/pantry while trying to make dinner as well as trying to prioritize the rest of to-do list that is screaming at you in your head.

And time just scoffs at you. Holds its breath. Taunts you. Because you rush to prep everything for dinner, sit down with your family and eat a meal which took you almost an hour to make and it’s gone in ten minutes flat.

By now it’s 6:00. I’m ready for the day to be over. I want to go back to sitting. No...let’s be realistic. Sleeping. Way better.

But, you guessed it, time has it in for me. Between the hours of 6:00-8:00 time holds still. If you look at the clock, even once, it will freeze. Possibly forever.  I promise. Time is spiteful. 

I rack my brain with ideas to entertain the kids. 

Bath time for a half-hour? Sounds good. 

But try putting three kids in the tub altogether and have them share and get along. A half hours shrinks into ten minutes. Playing games, going on walks, reading books; all these things normally would take up at least an hour if it wasn’t right before bedtime. Unexplainably, I can do all these activities in ten minutes if I’m trying to get to bedtime. 

When 8:00 hits time shifts back to warp speed and off we go. After answering Ady’s most urgent questions, tickling Anders and snuggling Estela it’s almost 9. Really?

It’s almost time to close my eyes. Only to open them a second later to the sunshine and start all over again.

It’s alarming. The speed of time. The effortless quickness. I look at my kids, my journeys, my days and see clearly the passage. But to hold perspective while living through it is a whole other set of tricks to master. 

And so, to get to my point, because I do have one. I think. 

Ah, yes, it just came back to me: 

Time to me is this: acceptance. 

I have to constantly remind myself to embrace/hold on/weather the chaos/endure the holding pattern/submit to change and enjoy the seconds flashing by. 

Not only enjoy them, but take the time to do so.