Really?

Remember that Listerine commercial? The one where they challenged you to try and gargle Listerine for sixty seconds with their perky actors swishing away? They made it seem easy, even fun.

They were horrible actors. You could totally tell they were fake mouthwashing.

How do I know?

Because I have actually attempted this challenge. And let me tell you, it is not pretty, perky or enjoyable at all.

The first five to ten seconds your thinking, 'this is easy. no problem.' But then, by the fifteen second mark it hits, your eyes begin to sting like you've just chopped a million onions. By twenty seconds every taste bud on your tongue is standing up, screaming in protest. Twenty five second your nose begins to run. And at thirty seconds your body is quivering from try to swish this stuff around. Every part of your body is burning, yelling, 'spit that crap out!' Literally. That's what it's saying.

And then I quit.

With a raw mouth, but extremely and overpoweringly fresh breath.

Thirty seconds. That's as long as I've been able to stand it.

Sixty second? Are they kidding? I'm sure the Listerine people are just sitting in their offices giggling away, thinking, 'we got you...America!"


I think gargling Listerine should be used as a torture technique or some kind of punishment rather than a proactive dental hygiene tool.

Seriously. I'm not kidding.

(I may use it on my kids instead of washing their mouths out with soap. Imagine that.)